The Healing Cycle

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A Personal Memoir

This letter was written by a son to his mother who was dying of esophageal cancer. He wishes to remain anonymous

Dear Mum,

This letter is for you. It is to tell you how much I love you and how important to me you are.

All of my life I have been so lucky to have a mother that is not only beautiful, hip and smart, but one who is caring, loving and understanding.

Through my childhood I could always count on you to wake me in the morning with a warm cup of tea and a smile. You never got cross with me when I asked repeatedly for 5 more minutes and always somehow got me out of bed in time to finish my tea and get off to school.

You used to make me a lunch everyday, and I sure did know that you made it with love for me. I loved my lunches except I think it was the cold sausage sandwiches I disliked the most. . [Dan: the author put in a smiley face here – can you do that?]

I always knew that when I got home after school you would have made a wonderful dinner for us to eat as a family. You always made it with a smile and presented it so well. I used to hate rushing home for 6 o’clock dinner but looking back I was so lucky to have a Mum caring enough to ensure her family was fed. I love the ginger pork with pineapple the most. I also loved that we would talk together as a family at the dinner table and you treated us as equal members of the family and not children.

Growing up as a teenager I found out how beautiful you were as ALL my friends thought you were a total hottie. I used to cringe walking home after school with friends when I heard the lawnmower because I knew you would be cutting the lawn in a bikini and heels. I don’t think it was just my friends that enjoyed that show but anyone within view. You are so beautiful and walk with such an air of confidence, there is no one who has had the pleasure of meeting you has not recognized this too.

As a teenager I’m sure I caused you much grief. I can remember yelling at you for something once, and when Dad got home and spoke to me I’m sure it was the last time I ever yelled at you. It wasn’t Dad that made that happen, but a pint sized you that told me you could take me out as fast as you brought me in. I knew I had pushed you too far and felt you probably could take me out quite easily. I am sorry for any pain I may have caused you through those years, but know that I always knew that I could get away with murder because you loved me.

I am so lucky to have you as a Mum. I got to do so much with my life because I always knew that if I fell on my face you would be there to tell me you love me. My life to this point has been such an adventure, travelling out west on my own was only possible because I knew I had your love and support no matter what I did. I am sorry that all those years out west I took you for granted and didn’t phone you enough and tell you I love you too. But inside I hope that you did know, and that you do know that I do.

You and Dad have been such amazing parents. I have been so lucky and blessed by God to have had the two of you in my life. To have given me life. To have given me love. With each passing year of my life I am growing wiser and more in touch with my human spirit. This is all thanks to you and your guidance that has allowed me to re-think how the mind works and re-think what is important. Because of the love and support and guidance, not to mention the freedom you gave me, I have grown into a person, I can respect and admire. I love me. But that’s because I see so much of you in me.

Its all the wonderful things you have done for me, big and small that have made me so lucky to have had the pleasure of calling you my Mum. My friend. My inspiration.

If I am lucky enough to hold on to any of the traits you have given me I will be the luckiest man in the world.

I love you so much and am going to miss you like no one else in the world. You are one of a kind, and am going to count the days and seconds until I get to see you again.

If you get to the other side and you get to come back, please find me and Dad right away so we don’t have to miss you for long.

If it doesn’t work that way then you grab on tight to Nana and Grandad and your mum and make damn sure your hand is there to reach out for us when we can all be together again.

I love you Mum. Always have. Always will.

~Anonymous